Deardev

 I am still learning how to forgive without receiving apologies. I'm still learning how to choose peace even when I'm in love with him and he keeps hurting me. Sometimes love looks like letting go and finally I am no longer forcing things. The hardest part about forgiving others is that you know they'll never realize that you were hurting, maybe they know that you were hurting but they will never be able to own their mistakes. I'm working on accepting that I hurt myself while loving so many people because I put myself behind and ran after their dreams only to realize that when I loved, I loved alone. I'm tired of apologizing for being too much so if I'm too ambitious, I hope they find someone easy, if I'm too much, they can go find less. I have spent so much time trying to fit in spaces that weren't meant for me. I have broken myself trying to fix others. I am still learning how to be myself even when my voice is shaky and my heart is wrapped up in uncer

 One day you will wake up in the morning without the nightmares that used to haunt you, one day you will wake up without the darkness that used to scare you, one day you will wake up and the shadows will be right behind you, one day you will wake up and you will feel hopeful of the better days ahead because will after all, the best is yet to come, my friend, one day you will wake up in the morning with nothing but will happy thoughts inside your head, one day you will wake up and go about your day with the biggest smile on your face, one day you will wake up excited to greet the day, one day you will wake up and find yourself in a beautiful city where they make dreams come alive, one day you will wake up with so much eagerness for life, one day you will wake up to live life so fully not just exist or get by, one day you will wake up and December winters will feel like May, and so my dearest,   why not let that day be today'?

 I know it sounds fake but you really do have a lot of silent lovers on this on this planet who look at you and wish they had your smile or your hair color or your humor or your intellect or your intentions or your heart, your manners, your eyes, your ease, even just you. People who are too shy to tell you what they admire about you or what they wish for you or who they see themselves becoming be of you & they're too shy to tell you. even though it isn't verbalized, the universe has still heard and the universe has loved you for helping out on its creations.  You're that person.  You're you.